Five Years Running
by sevenonesix
Summary: Olivia and Fitz met five years ago in Santa Barbara and there was instantly something there but everything was complicated and it didn't last. Now five years later, Fitz is in Washington DC and he wants Olivia back. Can he convince her to give him a second chance? What happened five years ago?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is something that's been in my head for awhile. Fitz and Liv met five years ago but things were complicated and didn't quite work out. Now today, Fitz wants Olivia back. Can they get past their past? What happened five years ago? I've intertwined some things from the show with some personal experiences. Mostly, I tried to show how screwed up these two are. I made their ages closer than in canon for the stories sake.**

**As always, I don't own Scandal.**

* * *

_**Present Day: Washington, DC**_

She was walking towards him. It had been five years since Fitzgerald Grant last laid eyes on the beautiful woman approaching him and he had missed her every single one of those days. Olivia Pope was exactly as he remembered her, all bouncy curls, plump lips and smooth skin. He heard her laugh float through the air like a song and he saw her lips form into a room brightening grin. She was talking on the phone as she walked and it wasn't until she saw him that she told the person on the line she had to go. She slowly approached him and sat down across the small outdoor bistro table as her smile faded and sadness replaced the glint in her eyes.

"Hi," he said when she sat. He was mesmerized by her, by her beauty, but the look of sadness in her eyes was killing him. Had he caused that?

"Hi," she replied. Her voice missing it's usual confidence.

"We need to talk," he said. There was so much he wanted her to know. So many explanations that didn't come close to being enough.

"What is there left to say?"

"Everything."

"Or nothing. I can't do this, I have to go."

"Olivia, please," he reached out for her as she began to get up, desperate to stop her. She recoiled away from his touch but stayed seated, her eyes fixed on the table's intricate pattern.

"You left me all alone."

* * *

_**5 Years Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

He couldn't take his eyes off of the gorgeous girl sitting at the bar. She was absolutely breathtaking. He watched mesmerized as she threw her head back in laughter at her redheaded friends joke. Despite the cool metal of his wedding ring on his finger reminding him he was a married man, he had to meet her. He had to know her. Something about this girl, this gorgeous creature, was pulling him in.

_I'm allowed to make new friends_, he thought and turned his attention to his friends. "I'm going to get another beer. Anyone want one?"

He slowly approached the bar and internally thanked God that it was a busy Friday night. "Excuse me ladies," he said when he reached the beautiful girl and her friend, "would you mind terribly if I snuck in between you to order a drink?"

The object of his desire looked at him and inclined her head towards a slightly bigger opening further down the bar between two men who looked as though they hadn't showered recently. "There's more room down there," she said.

He looked down the bar at the location she indicated and then back towards her. "True, but I figured you two would smell better."

"How does your wife feel amount you flirting with other women?" Her replies were quick. Almost in rapid fire and there was fire and defiance blazing in her brown eyes.

"I'm allowed to have friends," he replied with a smirk.

"We are not friends," she countered. "I don't even know your name."

He extended his hand towards her for a handshake. "My name is Fitz. Fitzgerald Grant." She took his hand and shook it and he felt a shock go through his system. "And you are?"

"Olivia...Pope."

"Nice to meet you, Olivia," he said. He then turned to her friend and extended his hand, flashing her an award winning smile. "And nice to meet you too..."

"Abby," she interjected. "Abby Whelan."

"Nice to meet you, Abby. So can I sneak in?"

The girls nodded and moved their legs away so he could stand between their chairs, standing just a hair closer to Olivia. _She does smell good, _he thought then shook his head as if to banish the thought. _Get a grip. You're married_. He lifted his empty beer in the air once he had the bartender's attention and held up three fingers to indicate another round. The bartender nodded and brought over three more beers for him.

"And another round for these two lovely ladies," he told him. "The tab is under Grant." The bartender nodded his head and walked away to make the drinks as Fitz grabbed his beers and smiled at Olivia and Abby. "Have a good night, ladies."

* * *

"My god he was fine," Abby said to Olivia after he walked away.

"He was kinda cocky," Olivia retorted even as she eyed his retreating form. Something about him made her want to know him. She had built up many walls to keep men from breaking her heart but something about Fitzgerald Grant made her want to let him in. She shook her head and turned back towards the bar. _He's married, Olivia, _she scolded herself. _Get a grip._ It was then that the bartender returned and placed two new drinks in front of her and Abby.

"Excuse me," she said, "we didn't order another round."

The bartender nodded his head towards Fitz and smiled. "Compliments of that gentleman over there."

Olivia turned in the direction he nodded and saw Fitz looking at them. She mouthed '_thank you_' and was rewarded with a face-splitting smile and a lift of his beer as if to say _cheers_.

* * *

Fitz leaned against a wall on the outskirts of the dance floor and watched in amusement as his friends attempted to dance. He felt a gentle tap on his arm and turned to see Olivia beside him. If it was possible, she looked even more gorgeous than she had just a little while before.

"Thank you for the drink," she said as she looked up at him with a smile. She was short. He hadn't realized that when she was sitting but he liked it. Her head would fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. He had to shake his head again to clear the thoughts running through.

"Not a problem," he replied.

She glanced out at the dance floor and then back up at him. "Why aren't you out there dancing?"

"Because I can't dance," he said with a laugh and a nod towards his friends. "And unlike those two, I'm not willing to make a complete fool of myself."

"You can't be that bad. Come on," she replied as she grabbed his hand and started to pull him towards the dance floor. "I'll teach you."

Fitz was about to follow her when the light hit his wedding band, making him stop short. "I'm married," he said when she turned towards him with a questioning look.

"You're the one who said you're allowed to make friends," she said with a shrug then dropped his hand and continued to the dance floor.

Fitz felt the loss of contact immediately but was more stunned by the look in her eyes. She looked hurt and despite barely knowing her he hated himself for being the cause. Without thinking he ran to catch up with her.

"You're right. Teach me." She smiled at him so brightly that he forgot there was anyone else around. _You're in trouble, Grant_, he thought. _So much trouble._

Olivia led him out onto the dance floor, turning so her back was to him and placing his hands on her hips. She brushed her hair to one side and he had to swallow hard to calm down. He assumed it was to avoid hair flying in his face and while he appreciated the effort currently all he could think of was how she would react if he placed his lips there. Or his tongue.

"So you really just need to feel the rhythm. Follow the sway of my hips and try to move in time."

She started to move her hips and Fitz did his best to keep in rhythm with her. When he couldn't quite keep the beat Olivia reached back and put her hands on his hips, pulling him impossibly closer. She moved her hips in a repetitive pattern, twirling and twisting until Fitz caught on. When he finally did, she switched up the pattern, moving her hips slowly. Fitz sucked in a breath of air as she turned around and put her arms around his neck, moving in time with him.

"See, you're not that bad," she said with a laugh.

Fitz looked down at her and felt the overwhelming urge to kiss her. He already had an erection that was threatening his sanity. He wasn't sure if Olivia just didn't notice or had chosen not to say anything, either way he was immensely grateful. He knew he shouldn't be dancing with her but she was intoxicating. _It's not like we're having sex_, he thought. Fitz smiled at her and realized if he didn't break this spell, things would go too far real soon.

"I need another drink. How about you?"

She nodded and he led her off the dance floor to the bar while trying to think of every un-sexy thought he could muster.

* * *

"No you didn't," she exclaimed through hysterical laughter. "You did not streak through your campus!"

"I swear I did," he laughed. "I was at a party and a bunch of my friends bet me I wouldn't do it. I made like $200 bucks off that streak! And I got a couple dates out of the deal."

She was laughing so hard that Fitz really thought she might pass out but he couldn't stop watching her. When she laughed heartily, her whole beautiful body shook and her brown doe eyes shone with amusement. After grabbing two more drinks they found a quiet booth and had been talking about anything and everything for over an hour. It was one of the best hours that he could remember having in awhile.

"Okay. My turn to ask a question," she said once she calmed down. "What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved animals and thought it'd be fun."

"A race car driver." She raised her eyebrows at him and he laughed in response. "What? I was a typical boy! I liked fast cars. My turn. Hmmm... what's your favorite food?"

"Popcorn."

"Seriously," he asked and laughed when she glared at him. "Okay then. Mine is steak, cooked medium rare. Your turn."

"What's one place you've always wanted to visit?"

"Antarctica. I've been a lot of places but I just think that would be amazing."

"No way. I was going to say Antarctica too!"

"You're lying," he replied with a grin. "What's your biggest fear?"

Olivia looked down at her glass and twirled the straw of her drink around. "Love," she said softly. Fitz looked at her until she lifted her gaze to his eyes. "I've been hurt a lot. Every time I think I've found the one, something changes and suddenly it's over. I've gotten so good at being alone because everyone leaves me. I've stopped believing I deserve true love. They always leave me alone." Olivia looked down again when she was done speaking. She wasn't sure what about him made her want to share all of that but she knew he wouldn't judge. She felt perfectly safe with him.

Fitz leaned back in his chair and peered at her curiously. How could she be alone? She was absolutely perfect. The perfect combination of smart, funny, and breathtakingly gorgeous. He knew he could never let her go. Even if she was destined to only ever be his friend.

"Being stuck in my father's shadow." Olivia looked up at him with wide eyes and he smiled reassuringly. "That's my fear. I fear living the rest of my life in his shadow. There is so much expected of me in this life and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be enough."

"You're enough," she said. The determination had returned to her voice. "You're more than enough."

"And you, Olivia Pope, are amazing and beautiful and if I were a single man I would be doing everything in my power to make you mine. You'll meet the one for you someday. Of that I have no doubt because you. are. amazing."

* * *

Olivia slid into the booth across from Fitz and smiled. "Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III. Age 29. Married to Melody Grant for 4 years. Father is a successful lawyer and CEO of Grant & Associates."

"You googled me," he replied with a laugh.

"Something like that."

Fitz leaned back in the booth of his favorite diner in Santa Barbara. After talking with Olivia for hours the other night he had found out that she was a first year law student at Harvard and here for the summer visiting a friend and interning at a boutique law firm. That wasn't enough information for Fitz though. He found that he was thirsty for knowledge when it came to Olivia Pope. Like a man who was lost in the desert, information was his water.

"Well I googled you too," he said with a smirk. "But you're very hard to find, Ms. Pope. Although I did find some adorable photos of you on a youth soccer team."

"I have some friends who are... skilled at computers."

Fitz eyed her carefully and laughed. "You're very vague sometimes." She just nodded in confirmation and he felt his thirst quench the tiniest bit. More information. "What would you like to do today," he asked.

"Show me something."

"Like what?"

"This is your city, right? You grew up here?"

"Yes."

"So show me something you love."

* * *

_A/N: So let me know what you think of it so far in the reviews. This is going to be a 5-chapter story and I'll interweave their conversation with the background of what happened. I've got a good 2/3 of this written so you should get a pretty regular update. Possibly one per day. And if you're reading After The Storm... sorry. I've got writers block. I will try and update soon. :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Present Day: Washington, DC**_

"You left me all alone."

The brokenness in her voice hit Fitz like a ton of bricks. He had never intended to hurt her all those years ago. Everything had just been so damn complicated.

"Olivia, I never meant to hurt you."

"I opened up to you," she replied quietly. "I told you everything because you made me feel safe. You promised me forever and then you left me all alone."

She looked down and traced the pattern of the table with her fingertip. It had been five long years since she had seen him and he was still as handsome as ever. Just being in his presence made her heart beat in over drive. Sitting before Olivia was the man who had finally put the last brick on the wall surrounding her heart. She was a broken woman and she wasn't sure if anything would ever fix her.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry," he said. "I was a coward. Things were so incredibly complicated. I got scared and it was easier to pretend like it didn't matter."

For the first time since she sat down Olivia looked up and into his eyes. She was met with beautiful blue eyes desperately searching her face for something. Anything.

"So it did matter," she asked him softly. Her voice was shaky and quiet, like she wasn't sure what answer she preferred.

"It absolutely mattered."

* * *

_**5 Years Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz sat at his desk and tried to focus on the brief he was reading. Instead he found that he was thinking of Olivia. _You're always thinking about Olivia, _he told himself.

They became fast friends after meeting. _Best friends_. They discussed all of their hopes and dreams over pizza two nights after meeting. Fitz swore that from that moment on he would do whatever he had to do to keep Olivia Pope in his life. _Beautiful, smart, vibrant Olivia Pope._

Fitz found he was able to confide in her about his family issues and how he hated working for his father's law firm. She told him all about her father leaving her and all the men who'd broken her heart. They were perfectly in sync. Instinctually knowing when to listen and when to cheer up. It was a connection unlike any he had felt before. Up until meeting her, he didn't believe it existed.

His phone buzzed and he knew by the way his heart skipped a beat that it had to be her. A smile spread across his lips when he saw her name light up on the screen.

_Good morning, sunshine. I owe you a pool rematch. Tonight, after work?_

Fitz laughed as he read her message. Olivia Pope was a pool shark if he ever met one. She looked so unassuming that most people forgot she was brilliant. Brilliant enough to trick him out of $100. He had been hoping to see her tonight. He was always hoping to see her or talk to her. But tonight was different, tonight he had to tell her something.

_Deal. I need to talk to you first though. Meet me at the diner?_

His phone buzzed again almost immediately and he laughed. She was also the fastest typist he knew.

_That doesn't sound ominous at all. See you there._

* * *

He was nervous. That was the prevailing emotion as he walked into the diner. Olivia was, of course, early and sitting at their normal booth typing furiously. He approached slowly and slid in across from her.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi." She looked up at him and flashed her brightest smile. Fitz leaned back against the booth and took a deep breath, causing Olivia to arch an eyebrow. "What's up? You're acting weird."

"I have something to tell you, I just don't know where to start."

"Start with the truth," she replied.

_Okay, here goes,_ he thought.

"My marriage is... cold. Dying. Dead." Olivia cocked her head to the side slightly and nodded for him to continue. "It has been circling the drain for awhile. I think it is pretty obvious that there is something special between you and I. I think about you literally all the time. I have real feelings for you. I'm hoping you feel the same. And my marriage is well, it never should have began."

"Okay," she said slowly.

"I know telling you that is low and the oldest trick in the book."

"So then why are you telling me?"

"Because I don't want you to think I am some scumbag looking for a cheap thrill. I don't want you to think I'm looking for a mistress."

"I never thought that of you."

"I know. Because for the first time in my life, someone sees me. You see me, Olivia."

"So what's the endgame?"

"I'm divorcing my wife."

"Okay.."

"And after that I want to be with you. Unless you don't want me."

"I want you," she said in a near whisper. He looked up at her, a stupid grin crossing his face as he reached out for her hand.

* * *

Fitz was pacing in circles, a habit he had apparently picked up from Olivia in the two and a half months he had known her. It seemed that everything lately was about or related to Olivia but what he had to do here and now couldn't be about her.

He sat down on his couch and waited for his wife to come home. Today was going to be the day he told her he wanted a divorce. He knew she wasn't going to take it well and he had been stalling for weeks. No more. He was done delaying his chance to be happy. While he would never make Olivia the reason for his divorce, the possibility of a future with her was ever present in his mind.

The door creaked open and he looked up to see his wife standing in the doorway. Fitz took a moment to look at her, to really take her in. She was a beautiful woman, tall and stately with the graceful air of a queen. There was a many a man out there who would trip over their own feet to get to her. There was a man out there who could love her. It just wasn't him. They had never been in love but after dating for years, marriage seemed like the next logical step. That wasn't any way to start a marriage and he realized that now. It was time that he took hold of his own happiness.

"Mellie," he started, "we need to talk."

"Let me guess," she replied as she walked over and sat down. "You're not happy."

"I'm not happy."

"Well, _darling," _her voice was sharp, filled with venom. "What will it take to fix that?"

"I want a divorce."

"Out of the question."

"Mellie, be reasonable here."

"I am being reasonable, Fitzgerald! Marriage isn't easy! It takes time and effort. How will it look if we get divorced? We will be a laughing stock!"

Fitz sighed and looked at her again before shaking his head. How did he get to this place?

"I... listen. I'm going to move out. I'll go stay at the condo."

"Fine. Go stay at the condo. Get whatever this is out of your system."

* * *

"So how did it go?"

Fitz sat down on the bench next to Olivia and sighed. They had made lunch plans days ago and decided to meet at the park he showed her the day after they met. _Show me something you love._ His mind replayed that statement often. The answer was Olivia Pope.

"She didn't take it well, Liv," he said as he stared at his hands.

Olivia looked at him and noticed he seemed tired, like he hadn't slept much in days. She wondered if he had, if he was even sleeping at all.

"I told her I was moving into the condo and she told me to 'get this out of my system.' She thinks I'm just going through a phase." Fitz leaned his head back and pushed his sunglasses on top of his head, enjoying the warm sun on his face.

"And?" She prompted him gently. It was obvious to her that he was leaving something out. His head turned slowly and they locked eyes.

"And," he sighed. "I'm worried."

"About," she prodded further.

"My wife... her reaction to this kind of thing is... I don't even have the words to explain."

"Try, Fitz."

"She's going to self destruct. Or at least threaten to. And I am worried that she will try and make you a part of this."

"How? Does she... does she know about me? We are just friends anyway."

"No. But I think she will dig and while I'm not cheating, I just... she can be mean and vindictive. She will twist this and make it about you."

"So, what do we do?" The words were weak when they left her mouth and she was looking at her hands.

"Hey, Liv. Livvie, look at me," he said softly. She slowly lifted her head and locked eyes with him. "This isn't me leaving you. I want to be with you when this is over. I don't want to give her any unnecessary ammunition. You're going home next week, right?" She nodded slowly, still keeping eye contact. "Alright. We just... we have to be careful. This isn't me leaving you. I don't think I could live a life without you. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"Thank you for driving me to the airport."

"You're welcome, Livvie. I," Fitz sighed and looked over at Olivia. She was so beautiful. "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too."

"Promise you'll call me when you land?"

"Is that allowed?"

"Of course it is."

"I just... I don't want to cause problems."

"You're my friend, Liv," he said. _And the love of my life._

"Then why do I feel like a mistress?"

"Hey. Don't talk like that. You will never be my mistress. You are so much more than that."

"I'm a secret, Fitz," she said. Her voice was broken, quiet, missing the light. It broke his heart to see her in pain.

"Just until this is over." He reached out and stroked her cheek. "You aren't the secret. My feelings for you are. And when this is over? I'm moving to Boston and I will shout it from the rooftops."

"Really?"

"Really. Any rooftop you want."

* * *

_A/N: I hope you liked Chapter 2. It was a little shorter than the last one and very dialogue heavy. Thank you for all the reviews. :) They're really sweet. Let me know what you think about Chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be posted tomorrow._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Present Day: Washington, DC**_

"It absolutely mattered."

Olivia took in a sharp breath and averted her eyes back down to the table. She had spent five years believing it all meant nothing and now here he was in front of her telling her it did matter.

"Then tell me why," she said softly.

"I... I don't have a good reason," he replied. "Everything just got so incredibly complicated so fast and you were so far away. I got scared. I got scared and it was just easier to try and bury it. To pretend it didn't matter. I just got scared."

"You must have told me a million times that we were in it together. But we weren't. You left the team."

"I was a coward, Olivia. I should have jumped on a plane and come to find you. I should have done a million things. There were so many barriers standing in our way and I should have just come. Barriers be damned."

She sighed and looked up to meet his eyes again. They were going in circles and she wasn't sure what good it was doing. There was never going to be any closure. This wasn't a romance novel; it was real life. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

"The only barrier was you."

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

_This is torture, _Olivia thought as she collapsed on her bed. Sure, she had law school to keep her busy most of the time. But all of her other time? That was consumed with thinking about Fitz. Missing Fitz. _Fitz._

Olivia counted meeting Fitz as one of the greatest moments of her life so far. Being around him and getting to know him had been rewarding. He was unlike anyone she knew; warm and funny with a huge heart. Every second they spent together while she was in Santa Barbara had been full of laughter and joy. Some might think age was a problem, he was 29 and she was 22, but it never felt like one. They just were.

Sometimes though the weight of what was happening threatened to pull her under. The guilt of wanting a marriage to end, of loving a married man, threatened to suffocate her. Her reaction to these kinds of emotions had always been to run. She had been hurt so many times that all it took was the hint of real emotion for Olivia to recoil into herself. Within seconds of meeting Fitz she had felt her walls crumble but it was difficult for her not to rebuild.

She rolled over and screamed into her pillow, kicking her feet like a little child. Three weeks ago, she boarded a plane back to Boston. As promised, she called him when she landed and the decision was made to cut contact drastically until he could get his divorce going. He told her repeatedly that this wasn't him leaving her. That they were in this together. And Olivia believed him because she trusted him. She innately trusted him with her fragile heart.

_Then why do I feel so alone?_

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz paced around his condo, stopping briefly to stare out the window of the high rise. The condo was beautiful, expensive, with a stunning view of the beach. But it felt cold and empty. He felt cold and empty.

Olivia had been back in Boston for four weeks. They had talked here and there. A text or two a day. An email every other. Phone calls once a week. She was distant though. He could feel her trying to build up her walls. And every time he would break them down. And every time he feared losing her more if he didn't hurry up.

A knock at his door pulled him out of his reverie and he opened it without thought. He knew who it was.

"Mellie," he said coldly and stepped aside. "Come in."

She breezed past him and sat down on the leather couch.

"Well, Fitzgerald," she said, "have you come to your senses?"

"I have all my senses," he sighed.

"Good. Then you'll move back in tonight."

"I'm not moving back in, Mellie."

She narrowed her eyes at him then and he saw barely contained rage flicker in the blue. "What?"

"I still want a divorce."

"You are being ridiculous," she hissed. "There's someone else, isn't there? Whoever she is, I don't care. Keep your little whore around. But you married _me!_"

Fitz shook his head and gazed out through the windows again. They were going in circles.

"Mellie," he started cautiously. "You and I... we got married for all the wrong reasons. We have been pretending to be happy for far too long. Aren't you sick of pretending?"

"Pretending is what's real."

"What?"

"Marriage is almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real."

"Mellie...did I do this to you? Because if I did I am sorry."

"What are you talking about?"

"We shouldn't have to pretend. We should just be happy. And we aren't happy, Mellie."

Mellie looked at him then and he could see the disdain in her eyes. She stood up and smoothed the wrinkles on her dress.

"I've had enough of this. You obviously need more time to think."

"I'm not changing my mind, Mel," he said as he stood as well. "I want a divorce. Let's be amiable about this."

"Amiable! You want to be _amiable? _There will be no divorce," she hissed as she turned defiantly and stormed towards the exit. She turned at the door and glared at him once more. "I promise you, if you pursue this divorce, _I. will. destroy. you._" With that she turned on her expensive heels and walked out.

Fitz collapsed back onto the couch and put his face in his hands. _Damnit._

* * *

Fitz rolled over in bed and stared at the clock. 12:55 am. He wanted desperately to sleep. But sleep never came. Sleep never came when the wheels in his mind started turning. Visions of a life stuck in Santa Barbara with Mellie haunted him. Olivia moving on and finding someone without his complications taunted him. A life stuck in his father's shadow never getting what he wanted, never truly being happy, tormented him. _When did everything get so damn complicated,_ he thought.

He picked up his phone and wondered if Olivia was sleeping. He wanted, no needed, to hear her voice. It was almost 4am in Boston though and he wouldn't wake her. Instead he sent a quick text.

_Miss you like crazy. Wish I could hear your voice right now._

He sighed and leaned back against his pillow, silently begging for sleep. His phone rang and Olivia's name popped up on the screen.

"Liv?"

"I miss you too."

"You couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope."

Fitz settled himself into the covers and smiled slightly when he heard her do the same. "Hi."

"Hi."

"You should be sleeping," he told her playfully.

"Hmm well, I was trying to sleep when I got a really pathetic text from a friend of mine. So I decided to give him a call."

"Lucky guy."

"He'd do well to remember that."

"He is well aware. So what are you wearing?"

"Fitz," she said as she started to laugh and he felt his tension start to leave at the sound. "We can't."

"Why not?"

"Because," she replied attempting to regain composure. "It would be inappropriate."

"Let's be inappropriate."

More laughter. Beautiful soul cleansing laughter.

"You are shameless."

"Mmhmm," he murmured. "Come on. It's just one friend asking another."

"We are not friends."

"We are _good _friends."

"Fitz," she said softly. "You're married."

He sighed and sat up in bed, leaning his head back against the headboard.

"Do you know that I love you? I love you. I am in love with you. You are the love of my life. If I could escape all of this... Liv, I am trying."

"I know, Fitz... I," she sighed. "I love you too. I am in love with you too."

"So we are in this together?"

"We are in this together."

"Get some rest, Livvie."

"You too. Night.

"Night."

The line went dead and he stared at it for what felt like hours. She loved him. _She loves me._ Fitz looked out the bedroom window and took in a cleansing breath. _She loves me._

It was at that moment he realized he had to do something. He laid back down and rolled over. In the morning, he would come up with a plan.

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

Olivia felt lighter somehow then she had in months. Knowing that he loved her made the whole thing just the tiniest bit less scary. It still gnawed at the back of her mind that she was hoping for a divorce but he loved _her_ and that felt wonderful. That felt like the sun and the moon and all the stars in the sky were in her bedroom. She laid awake in bed for at least another hour after they spoke, the words playing over and over in her head. _I love you. I am in love with you. You are the love of my life._

She had never felt this content before. She had never felt so hopeful before. Olivia knew she was what many considered attractive and because of that she had never wanted for male attention. She was a bit of a loner but it was always by choice. She had a few select friends but she still pretty much kept to herself. After the first few guys had hurt her, Olivia had learned how to build up her walls high around her heart and had developed an unwavering gut. Within minutes of meeting someone should could tell if they were trustworthy. Her gut was never wrong.

And her gut was what was keeping her up tonight. Something was about to go horribly wrong and she didn't think she could possibly stop it.

* * *

_A/N: And here is Chapter 3. A little later in the evening then planned but adult responsibilities got in the way. Hope you liked it. Leave reviews. Chapter 4 might not go up until Thursday. :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Present Day: Washington, DC**_

"The only barrier was you."

Fitz started to reply and then closed his mouth quickly. She was right. She was always right. Had he really let 5 years go without her?

"I screwed up. I'm sorry."

Olivia sighed and looked at him. "It's okay, Fitz. We had our chance and it didn't work. Sometimes things just don't work out."

"Olivia, please give me another chance. I have spent five long years without you. I was searching and searching for what would make me happy and I stopped one day and realized that the problem was the only thing that ever made me truly happy was being with you. The man I am without you... I am nothing and you... you are everything. I have spent five years running from being happy. I am sick of running."

"Fitz..."

"We are worth another chance, Olivia."

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

"Fitzgerald, I don't know what good you think will come from divorcing me but you are being ridiculous. Stop playing games. We have a function tonight."

Fitz sighed and shifted the phone to his other ear. "I am not playing games, Mellie. I want a divorce."

"You're acting like a child!"

"Why, Mellie? Because I want the chance to be happy? Because I am sick of pretending!? Because I don't want to take part in this ridiculous charade anymore!?"

"I made you," she screamed so loudly he had to pull the phone back from his ear. "I picked you up after your monster of a father tore you down and cleaned you up. You would be nothing without me!" She was hissing now and Fitz was certain he could hear fire leaving her mouth.

"Mellie..."

"No. NO! You listen to me, Fitzgerald. I have had enough. You made a commitment to me and you will keep it or I promise you will rue the day you met me!"

_Click._

Fitz stood and looked out the window of his condo. When he bought the unit years ago, he told Mellie that it was a good investment and would be great for hosting parties. It was after all a prime party spot, private beach access and all. The truth though was that even then, before they married, he was unhappy and needed something all his own. A safe place to hide when the pressures of being Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III became too much to bare. There had been a couple of really good parties held there but he mostly used the space as a getaway. A place he could pretend he wasn't a man in a dead marriage.

As he stood and gazed upon the rolling waves, he thought of Olivia. She had come into his life and hit him like a tidal wave. He suddenly was no longer content with the web of lies and unhappiness he had been perpetually stuck in. No, now he craved freedom. He wanted to give love and get love with a woman who wanted him for him. Not because he was handsome or undeniably rich. Olivia Pope didn't love him because of all that. He suspected she loved him inspite of those traits. Olivia loved the man inside. The man who had a jealous streak and loved a good debate. The man who wanted to help people and loved children. The man who despite his height was extraordinarily bad at basketball. She loved his brain and his heart, not his looks and his wallet.

Fitz sighed and walked away from the window. _What kind of coward was I to marry Mellie and not wait for Olivia Pope to come along,_ he thought. He was a coward. His father had told him that most of his life. He believed it too for so long. He went along with the grand master plan, college, law school, join the firm, marry Mellie. All for what? So he could spend the rest of his life in his father's shadow. And Mellie, she was just like his dad and that's why she was refusing to agree to a divorce. As far as she was concerned he was the coward his father believed him to be. In her eyes he was a child to be tamed.

Fitzgerald Grant did not want to be tamed anymore. He wanted to be free and wild. He wanted Olivia Pope. He sat down and took a long sip from the tumbler of scotch in his hand. He turned the glass around and around watching how the expensive crystal glittered in the mid-afternoon sunlight. He didn't feel worthy of Olivia Pope. Fitz knew that this was hurting her. That despite the hard exterior she showed, underneath she was scared. Underneath she was nervous. He felt selfish for telling her how he felt all those months ago. He didn't deserve Olivia.

He took another sip of scotch and rolled his neck, trying desperately to get out the permanent kink that resided there. Maybe he was a coward like everyone thought.

* * *

_**Five Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

Olivia sighed and sat down on the bed in her dorm room. It had been a little over a week since her last talk with Fitz and she couldn't get past the roiling in her gut telling her that something was wrong. To make matters worse, Fitz had been sullen and distant. When they did talk, he sounded sad and would often tell her he didn't deserve her.

She wished wholeheartedly to take away his pain but she couldn't. She couldn't even contact him when she wanted to. Her gut was telling her that he was freaking out. That the pressure of what they were dealing with was eating him alive. The worst part was she couldn't fix it.

Olivia picked up a picture of the two of them off her bedside table and stared at it fondly. It was taken before they ever confirmed their feelings for each other but the love between them was evident. She had set her camera to take a burst of photos so they could attempt to get a good picture of them. In this particular photo, she was smiling at the camera, eyes large and bright. Fitz was facing the camera and a smile graced his perfect lips but his eyes, _oh those eyes,_ were firmly rested on Olivia. It was like he was soaking her in.

She ran her fingertips delicately over the glass and then put the picture down. Standing, she smoothed invisible wrinkles from her shirt and dried the tears from her eyes. She had to get to class and she couldn't, no wouldn't, allow herself to dwell any longer.

* * *

Olivia's phone began to ring as she walked back from class days later. She fished her phone out of her purse and saw Fitz's name come across the screen.

"Livvie," he sighed. "Hi."

"Hi," she said softly. "What's wrong?"

"You deserve so much better than me," he said. She heard his words slur, just barely but it was there.

"Fitz, are you drunk? Its 10am there."

"I'm a broken, man, Livvie. I don't deserve you. Livvie, amazing Livvie. You are perfect and beautiful and I am nothing. I'm a nobody."

"Oh, Fitz," she said quietly as she sat on a nearby bench.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

"Fitz, listen to me," she said forcefully. "You... you are amazing and kind. You deserve to be happy."

"I'm not a whole man without you."

"Fitz. Go lay down. You are drunk and not thinking clearly. Take a nap. Clear your head."

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz awoke from his nap and rolled over in bed, groaning when his head pounded in protest. He felt like such and idiot for calling Olivia earlier but he needed her voice at that moment. It was self imposed torture to love her and have her so far away. In that moment he needed to twist the knife just a little bit more.

He looked over at his phone to see that he had a message and a couple missed calls. He checked the calls first and they were from Mellie, threatening voice mails attached. The text was from Olivia.

_Show them who you are._

He smiled and sat up slowly in bed, holding his palm to his head in an effort to stop the pounding. _Who am I,_ he thought. His father and Mellie obviously thought he was nothing and Olivia thought he was everything. He wasn't sure who was right.

He swiped his finger across the screen and scrolled until he found the number he was looking for. Taking a deep breath, he pressed dial and brought the phone to his ear.

"Yes, thank you again. Have a good afternoon."

Fitz hung up the phone and stood from his seat at the kitchen table. As he walked towards the patio doors to look at the ocean he dialed a familiar number and waited for the sweet sounds of her voice to fill his ears.

"Feeling better," Olivia said when she picked up.

"Much. Thanks to you."

"To me or to advil?"

He laughed then and opened the door, opting to sit outside. "Hi."

"Hi."

"I called to let you know that I did it."

"Did it? Did what? Fitz did she..."

"Mellie was refusing to be reasonable about this. She wouldn't even entertain the thought of divorce."

"So what did you do?"

"I filed."

"You... what?"

"I filed for divorce with the State of California. Mellie will be served in the morning."

* * *

Fitz woke up the next morning around six am and jumped out of bed. The lawyer had promised him that the papers would be delivered to Mellie at exactly nine and he had far too much nervous energy to possibly stay in bed. He attempted to distract himself with going to the gym or reviewing a brief. Nothing worked though. He was a ball of nervous energy. He had no idea how Mellie was going to act and that made him nervous. The woman was a live wire.

He tapped his pen on the the table and watched as the clock ticked away slowly.

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

Olivia was having a staring contest with the clock in her classroom. That was the only way to describe what she did as she waited for the clock to strike noon so she could leave. She was expecting a phone call from Fitz after the papers were officially delivered to Mellie. The battle was won when the clocks hands hit twelve and Olivia nearly jumped out of her seat at the professor's dismissal.

She was half way across campus when her cellphone rang and she answered it without even looking at the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hi," he said and she could hear the relief in his voice.

"Hi."

"I just got the call," he continued. She could hear the smile in his warm voice. "The papers were delivered to Mellie a few minutes ago."

"How do you feel," she asked cautiously.

"Weird, good. Hey could you hold on one second, I've got a call beeping in."

"Mmmhmm." Olivia continued walking back to her dorm as she talked to Fitz and walked back into her room right as he switched lines. She sat down on her bed as she waited for him to return and thought about how big of a moment this was. She had been getting more and more nervous that he wouldn't actually go through with it. This was right around the time that most guys just up and left her. But he had up until now been wonderful, a little distant at times, but overall wonderful. She leaned back against the wall and let herself begin to wonder what a future with him could be like. She was daydreaming about houses with picket fences and babies with grey eyes when his voice interrupted her.

"Livvie?"

She sat up straight at the shaken tone of his voice and suddenly felt her gut lurch. "Yeah?"

"I have to go. My wife... she got into an accident. I... I have to get to the hospital."

_Click_

* * *

_A/N I hope you liked Chapter 4. I had a lot of trouble getting this chapter just the way I wanted it so I hope it's alright. Chapter 5 will be up soon and that will unfortunately be the end. Although you may get lucky and get an epilogue. Mostly because I can't decide on where to end this story. Leave me reviews. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Present Day: Washington, DC**_

"We are worth another chance, Olivia."

Olivia resumed her tracing of the table with her fingertip and sighed. Were they worth it? She had thought they were once many years ago.

Fitz watched her and saw the struggle in her mind dance across her face. He was desperate now. He had to have her back.

"I don't deserve you and I was a fool to ever let you go. I suspect I could spend everyday of my life trying to make up for it and it would never be enough. But I am in love with you and I demand another chance. We are worth another chance."

She just kept her eyes trained down. It was like she believed he would only be real if she didn't look at him. He could see her face flickering with emotions and felt his desperation grow deeper.

"Let me earn you."

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

Weeks. It had been weeks since Mellie's accident and Fitz sat at the kitchen counter in his condo. The unsigned divorce papers were in front of him. Taunting him.

He took a large gulp of scotch and stood. Anger raged through him like fire as he unceremoniously shoved the papers to the floor. He took another large sip, downing the glass, and reached for a refill.

How had he allowed his life to get here? He had been so close to freedom but then the accident. Mellie. When the papers arrived at her house she'd left in a rage to come find him. She was coming to yell at him. She was talking to her lawyer, screaming, not looking where she was going and she got hit. Hard. She was fine. A little bruised but fine. She could have died but she didn't. She was fine but Fitz felt like he had been hit by a bus.

Mellie was an opportunist of the finest sort. Most people would get into an accident like that and give in. Realize that a marriage wasn't worth almost dying. Realize that they could be living their life instead of fighting. No, instead she saw an opportunity to get her way. Saw the opportunity to get what she wanted. And like a predator stalking her prey she waited. She waited until their parents, his and hers, arrived at the hospital. And then she let all the key words slip. _Commitment. Marriage. Hard work. Vows. Love. Therapy._

He agreed because he was weak. Because what could he do while she was lying in a hospital bed? What could he say while his parents were standing there? While her parents were glaring at him? He agreed but in his mind he just thought _Livvie._

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

Olivia paced the floor of her dorm room nervously. She wanted so desperately to talk to Fitz. In nearly a month since the accident he had barely uttered a word to her. He responded occasionally to let her know he was alive but that was it. He wouldn't talk to her. He was hiding behind a cloak of silence. Something was horribly wrong and every nerve in her body was telling her that this was it. This was him leaving her.

Circles. She paced in circles as her hand hovered over the call button. A shaky breath in and another out, three circles around. She pressed send and the rings echoed through her head. She paced a circle for every ring of the phone. Voicemail.

"Fitz, it's Liv. Whatever is going on... please tell me. This is...I can't...just... please."

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

He listened to the voicemail three times. He always listened to them three times. He always read the text messages 100 times. He couldn't talk to her though. He couldn't tell her. He couldn't listen to her voice lose confidence. He couldn't handle if she cried. He couldn't be that man. He couldn't be another man to hurt her, to leave her. He was a coward. So he just didn't do it.

Instead he listened. Listened to the sound of her beautiful voice and the haunting sadness of her pleas for his attention. Listened to her words and the desperation in her voice. Listened to the mixture of sadness and anger. He wanted so badly to be the man she deserved. To leave this place and go to her. To hold her. To kiss her. To get lost in all that was here and forget about all reality.

Reality. The eternal life ruiner. He hit the replay button and laid back against his bed. He would listen to this one four times.

* * *

Fitz rolled over in bed as his phone started to ring. He wasn't sure why he bothered with a bed. He hadn't slept in over a month. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw all of his failures come to light. He saw Olivia, alone. The number lighting up his screen was Olivia's and before he could think he answered.

"Hello?"

"Oh you answered," she said sounding almost disappointed.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to disappoint you," he grumbled.

"I've just gotten used to your voicemail," she shot back.

Fitz sighed and sat up in bed running one hand through his hair. He heard it in her voice then. The hurt was so loud it drowned out her words. He was hurting her and he hated himself for it.

"I deserved that," he sighed. "You deserve so much better."

She took a shaky breath in and it stabbed him through the heart.

"What's going on? You have been ignoring me for over a month."

"Liv..."

"No," she cried and he heard her breathe in to control the tears. To pull the anger and the venom back. "I don't want excuses, Fitz. I _deserve_ the truth."

"She got into a car accident. A bad one. She is fine. She is alive..."

"But?"

"We are... we're going to go to therapy."

Silence. Except for the sound of her heart breaking. He was sure he heard it. It was a horrible shattering sound that pierced his soul.

"Y-you told me your marriage was dead. T-that you were..." She lost the battle against her tears and he heard her sniffling in an effort to stop.

"I know. It was... it is... but we are married. I owe her this at least."

"You lied to me."

"Livvie... no."

"Don't call me that!"

"I just have to do this."

"And I'm supposed to what, wait for you?"

He sighed then because no matter how selfish he wanted to be, he couldn't ask that of her. He had to let her go. She didn't deserve to be caught up in this web of crazy. The words swirled in his brain, _wait for me, Livvie,_ settling on the tip of his tongue. He swallowed them back. She didn't deserve that.

"Listen, Liv. I'm sorry. You and I... we happened so fast."

"So it was all a lie?"

"No. Of course not. But I have to do this. I owe this to her and I... I have to get my life together. I don't want to lose you though. You mean so much to me. Can we be friends?"

"No."

And she hung up. She was gone and he, he had never felt so alone.

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

Falling, she was falling. Olivia felt her legs begin to give out before she was even able to hang up the phone. He was gone. She slid down to the floor as sobs racked her body. Had everything been a lie? He'd told her he loved her and wanted to be with her but as soon as it got difficult, he went back to his wife. She felt empty. Alone.

It could have been hours she sat on the floor sobbing, shattering, it could have been mere minutes. She lost track of the time but slowly the tears subsided and an all over numbness took over. It was over.

* * *

Olivia walked from her last class of the day back to her dorm room. She vaguely heard that someone was calling her name but couldn't find the energy or the will to acknowledge them. In the three weeks since she and Fitz had ended things she had become a zombie. She barely ate, she rarely slept. She didn't do much other than study and go to class. It was the only way she knew to cope with the intense pain she was feeling.

Pain, it was such a small word that couldn't quite describe how she was feeling. She felt broken, numb, but mostly she was alone. She sat down on a bench halfway back to her room and stared down at her phone. Her anger had long since subsided and she was left with this burning hole in her heart. Sometimes the urge to call him, to just reach out, to say _I miss you_ was so overwhelming. She would sit for 5, sometimes 10, sometimes more, minutes and convince herself not to call.

Now was one of those times. She stared down at her phone, praying that he would reach out to her and always finding herself disappointed. His number was still saved into her phone because she couldn't stand the thought of removing him from it. It felt like the ultimate step in erasing him from her life and if Olivia was being honest, she never wanted to erase Fitz. Not from her phone and never from her heart.

She stood up and took in a cleansing breath. She wouldn't reach out to him. If he wanted her, he was going to have to come for her. She may never be the same as she was before Fitzgerald Grant but she could be okay. It would just take time. Lots of time, and a good poker face.

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz sat down and leaned his head back against the wall, letting a heavy sigh pass through his lips. He was exhausted. He was barely eating and rarely sleeping. His every thought was consumed with Olivia and the sound of her voice when he told her about the therapy. Since that day, he'd spent every moment trying to not think about Olivia and failing completely.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and for a brief moment he thought it might be her. That she knew he needed her at that moment and was returning to him. He was disappointed greatly when it turned out to be an e-mail alert. Hovering his finger over the call button, he considered calling her. He considered calling an airline and booking a plane ticket right away. He considered a million ways he could fix this but never did any. It was better this way. He didn't deserve Olivia Pope.

"Mr. & Mrs. Grant," a voice called, breaking him out of his thoughts. He looked up and the secretary for the therapist was looking at them. "You can go in now," she said a little too perkily for him to deal with. Mellie shot him a dirty look and started to walk into the office without a glance back.

Fitz took one last look at his phone and sighed. He had been so close and now he felt so incredibly far away. He felt so very alone. And he had no one else to blame.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry this took so long. Life got into the way and then I got writers block. But I finally wrote it. It was really hard for me to get this just right and I'm not entirely sure I'm happy but I hope you like it. The good news? It's going to be at least one more chapter. I just wasn't ready to end it quite yet._


	6. Chapter 6

Pain is a funny thing. Everyone experiences it differently. Everyone copes with it differently. Some people drink. Others eat. Some clean or retreat within themselves. But everyone, everyone has a coping mechanism because everyone experiences pain. Some will never know the pain of love lost and others learn far too early. Some know the pain of seeing lives cut far too short and others may never experience that horror. People break bones, break promises, break hearts.

Pain is a horrible thing; a heartbreaking thing. Pain can change you. Pain can steal the light in her eyes. But its a funny thing because pain, pain is never the same.

* * *

_**4 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

"Liv, please," Abby pleaded. "You have to come with me."

"I can't, Abby. I can't go back there."

"Oh come on, Liv."

"How am I supposed to go there and not see him? You and Stephen will be just fine without me."

Olivia slumped down in her desk chair and closed her eyes. It was almost summer. Last year, she and Abby had gone to Santa Barbara to intern for the summer at the firm her friend Stephen worked at. Olivia enjoyed working there. She was good, great actually, at her job and she liked all the people she met but then... Fitz. _Fitz. _She couldn't go back. What if she saw him? What if she didn't? There was no way she could be so close to him and not see him. Even though they were thousands of miles apart she had to constantly stop herself from running to him. She wouldn't, couldn't, go.

"Liv," Abby said softly. "At least come to the party tonight. You have been miserable for almost a year. You need to do something fun."

Olivia sighed and looked up at her friend. Abby looked genuinely concerned for her and Olivia felt guilty for making her feel that way.

"Okay"

* * *

She rifled through her closet desperately. They were leaving for the party in five minutes and she hadn't picked an outfit. Every article of clothing she selected was too something. Too prudish, too slutty. Too tight, too loose. Too much like something Fitz would love. _Crap,_ she thought. _Quit thinking about him!_ She shook her head and quickly selected her favorite pair of dark wash jeans.

Reaching for a tank top, her hand hovered over Fitz's sweater in her closet. She gingerly reached out to touch the fabric and let out a quiet sigh. The memory was vivid. They sat on top of a hill on a rare chilly Santa Barbara night discussing hopes and dreams, plans for the future, trading silly stories. All it took was one miniscule shiver and he had handed his sweater over. No questions asked. No arguments allowed. Insistent that she take and keep it.

In the days after she left Santa Barbara it had been a comfort. A silent reminder that he loved her. In the days after he left her it had been self imposed torture. She would put it on only to break down in tears. Now, now it stayed in her closet. A hidden reminder of her pain.

She shook her head again, almost violently this time, trying desperately to rid her memory of the way he had looked at her. The pure love that radiated from him. That look in his eye that said _I want to kiss you until you forget your name. _Forgetting him was, however, proving to be a near impossible task.

She stepped back from the closet and threw her outfit on quickly. A quick glance in the mirror and she left, trying to convince herself it would be fun.

* * *

"A shot of tequila, please," Olivia yelled to the bartender.

"Make that two."

Olivia turned her head and rolled her eyes when she discovered a strange man standing beside her giving her a grin.

"No one should be drinking tequila alone. Tequila is what you drink when you want to feel no pain."

"Do I know you," she replied coolly.

He smiled at her widely and stuck his hand out. "Not yet. My name is Jake."

"Olivia."

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl." He smiled at her again and she suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for being rude to him. He seemed nice.

"Listen, Jake, I appreciate the offer for company but I'm really not interested in..."

"Whoa," he said cutting her off, "It's just a shot. Come on, I'm a good listener."

"One shot."

The bartender placed two shots of tequila in front of them,along with two slices of lime and a salt shaker. Jake handed him cash before Olivia could even reach for her wallet. She looked up at him to protest but he was already holding his glass up waiting. Olivia smiled and picked up her glass. She shook some salt onto the back of her hand, licked it up and tossed back the shot, finding comfort in the burn at the back of her throat. She quickly bit into the lime and tossed it into the glass, setting it down.

Jake smirked and she realized he was impressed with how easily she had taken the shot. She signaled to the bartender for another round and quickly paid him before Jake could. They took the second shot and he turned to face her.

"Impressive."

"Thanks."

"So tell me about him."

"W-what," she stuttered.

"Tell me about him. The guy who broke your heart. No girl as beautiful as you comes to a club and stands alone at the bar drinking tequila unless some guy broke your heart. So tell me about him."

Olivia looked up at him and then turned, motioning to the bartender for another shot, and turned her gaze down to the bar top.

"He's in my head all the time."

* * *

"So," Abby said as they walked back to their rooms later that night. "Who was the cutie you were talking to?"

Olivia looked at her for a second with a puzzled look on her face. "Who... oh. Jake."

"Yes. _Jake._ Tell me all about him. Did you make out? Do you love him? Are you going to do it?"

"Abby," she said through laughter.

"What come on, Liv. You're miserable. You hide it well but I know you. Its been almost a year and you're miserable."

"I'm not ready. It still _hurts._"

"You know they say the best way to get over a guy is to get under someone else!"

"Abby!" Olivia stared at her friend for a minute with her mouth agape before dissolving in hysterical laughter. She calmed down after a few minutes and just shook her head at the redhead.

"Thanks, Abs. I needed that. I'm going to bed. Night."

* * *

_**4 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

"Mr. Grant, thank you for agreeing to this. I know it might seem strange, a solo marriage counseling session, but I believe it will be beneficial for you and your wife."

Fitz sat down on the couch in the therapist's office and sighed softly. He and Mellie had been going to therapy for almost a year now. The first woman, after 2 monthly visits no less, had essentially deemed them a lost cause and suggested divorce. Mellie then insisted that she was a quack despite her impressive credentials and demanded they get a second opinion.

True to form she blamed the first doctors opinion solely on him. According to his wife, he wasn't participating properly. She was probably right. But how could he participate in a charade? It was all ridiculous. Everything was so incredibly ridiculous.

"Doctor," he said quietly, "can I be frank with you?"

"Of course, Mr. Grant."

"I don't love my wife."

"And why is that?"

"Honestly, I don't think I ever did. Mellie is a beautiful woman. Smart. Ambitious. But I don't feel love. We got married because we were supposed to. Because I am a Grant and we marry lovely DAR WASP women. Because my father and her father set us up and it seemed like the logical next step. But love... I don't think love is very logical, Doc."

"What is love then, Mr. Grant?"

"I don't know for sure. I used to think love was a fairytale. Something reserved for little girls in princess crowns."

"And now?"

"I think love is the look in her eye when she says _I love you too_ or the way her lips curl when she smiles. The way... the way her eyes light up when she sees something awe inspiring."

"Not to be presumptuous but is there a particular she?"

"Yes. Did you know I tried to divorce Mellie last year?"

"No. You never told me that."

"Things between Mellie and I were never perfect but they weren't bad when we first got married. But after awhile... it just... I realized I wasn't happy. And then I met her."

"Who is her?"

"Olivia. She was here for 3 months interning at a law firm. We became friends but I very quickly realized I had feelings for her. Real serious feelings. I loved...love her."

"So what happened?"

Fitz sighed and sat forward, rubbing his hand over his face and through his hair.

"The accident."

"Mellie's accident?"

He nodded sadly.

"Yes. I had the papers delivered to her house because she refused to divorce amicably. She left, in a rage, to come find me and she crashed. She could have died."

"But she didn't."

"She didn't. But she could have. I felt so incredibly guilty and selfish. I vowed forever to this woman and she almost died. I felt responsible."

"Why?"

"Because... I was so desperate to be with Olivia and mad at Mellie for not being reasonable that I just sent her papers. I knew she'd get mad but to almost die..."

He covered his face and let the sobs that had been threatening to release flow free. He had so much guilt. He felt responsible. For Mellie's accident. For Olivia's pain. For everything.

The doctor just sat there, watching him, occasionally scribbling notes. After a while, Fitz was able to collect himself, taking several deep cleansing breaths.

"If you don't love your wife and you want to be with this Olivia, why are we here?"

Fitz sighed then. It was a long sigh. The kind of sigh one releases when the weight of the truth is bearing down and life seems unfair.

"I am a coward."

"Why is that?"

"Mellie...she waited...until our parents arrived at the hospital. To suggest therapy. All of those eyes on me. I felt compelled to agree."

"That's how you came to see me?"

"Yes."

"And how did Olivia take the news?"

"Not well. She was so upset. She... thinks I lied to her about my marriage. I so badly wanted to tell her to wait for me. I couldn't do that though."

"Mr. Grant. I think the best advice I can give you is to first and foremost forgive yourself. You did not cause your wife's accident. A man texting while driving did. Secondly, you need to decide what you want. Marriage is about a lot of things. Compromise. Partnership. Friendship. Trust. But off the record, I personally think it should be deeply rooted in love."

Fitz shifted on the couch and looked at the therapist, considering his words carefully. He leaned back and released another sigh but this time it was almost one of relief.

"I don't love my wife."

* * *

Fitz laid in bed that night, tossing and turning. His mind was a jumble of words and moments. His history with Mellie, his time with Olivia, the doctors words, they all floated around in his head.

His mind finally landed on Olivia and the sound of her voice when he had told her how he felt. That had been true love. The lurch of his heart when he saw her. He sat up quickly in bed, clicking on the light and grabbing his laptop.

_Dear Olivia,_

_There are a thousand words I could use to tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you but I know they are worth nothing unless I can back them up with actions._

_One day, I hope to be the man you deserve. And maybe then, I will be able to show you just how real my feelings are. In the meantime, I want you to know that you are an incredible woman and I am hopelessly in love with you._

_Always yours,_

_Fitz._

He reread the email a hundred times but when it came time to hit send he couldn't. His finger hovered over the mouse pad but no movement was made. What if she didn't love him anymore? What if she didn't want him anymore? What if she had moved on? A million questions and he didn't have a single answer. He wasn't even sure he deserved an answer.

He closed the laptop and signed heavily, hoping for sleep to take over so he could stop thinking. Eventually he slept but it was haunted with visions of Olivia in the arms of another man.

* * *

_**4 Years Earlier: Boston, Massachusetts**_

Olivia rolled over in bed and stared at her phone, trying to will it to ring. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Like the walls were closing in on her in her tiny room at Harvard and the closet was staring her down. _You're going crazy,_ she thought as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed to stretch.

She made her way over to the closet and gingerly opened the door. Fitz's sweater was staring her in the face and she couldn't stop herself. She reached out and pulled it on, wrapping herself up in the soft warmth. Somehow, and she didn't know how considering how often she wore it at first, it still smelled like him.

Climbing back in bed, she pulled the covers up and curled into a ball, giving herself the freedom to truly miss Fitz for the first time in months. After crying for what she could only imagine was hours she drifted off to sleep, thoughts of Fitz and his wife reconciled and happy filling her head.

* * *

_A/N: Do you hate me yet? I know a lot of people don't like Jake but I promise he's not a contender for her heart or anything. I just needed a guy for that scene. He may pop back up but he's a plot device. Olitz is end game and I promise, they ending will be happy. I won't depress you for too much longer. Like maybe 3 more chapters. :) I want to show how they cope with being apart before I can bring them together. Let me know what you think. Reviews make me happy. _


	7. Chapter 7

_**3 Years Earlier: Santa Barbara, California**_

"Give her whatever she wants."

"Mr. Grant," his lawyer started carefully. "You were barely married for 6 years. She's asking for too much."

Fitz sighed and shook his head, smiling ruefully at the older man. "First and foremost, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Fitz, Cyrus? You have known me since I was in diapers. The formalities aren't necessary."

"Okay then. Fitz, she's asking for too much."

Fitz smiled again and looked at the man before him. Cyrus Beene had been the family lawyer for as long as he could remember. He was a loyal man, almost to a fault, but ruthless as well. That's why Fitz's father, Big Gerry, liked him. That's why he trusted him. Fitz liked him too although he assumed for different reasons. The loyalty was great but it was the honesty in his words that Fitz admired. His ability to speak his mind and the fact that behind his cold exterior he actually _cared_.

There were times growing up where Cyrus, despite his aversion to children, had been more like a father to him than his own. _You've got something special, kid,_ he once informed Fitz after watching him debate in high school. As he grew, Fitz began to look at Cyrus as not just his lawyer but his friend.

"Cy, I know but I have been trying to divorce Mellie for almost 2 years now. I just want this over with."

"Look, I get it. I am certainly not a member of the Mellie fan club but you shouldn't just give it all away."

Fitz stood up from his desk in his office and walked towards a table against the wall, calling back over his shoulder. "You want a drink, Cy?"

Cyrus wrinkled his nose at the sight of scotch on the table and shook his head. "No, thank you."

"Right, you hate scotch." Fitz smiled slightly and sat back down at his desk. "You ever been in love, Cy?"

Cyrus cocked his head slightly and studied Fitz closely, a habit Fitz had picked up from him over the years. "Once. In college. Got my heart broken."

Fitz nodded and took a long sip of his drink. The brown liquid burned his throat and he savored the feeling. To him it was better than being numb.

"I met someone." He paused, partially for effect and partially because he just didn't know how to explain.

"I met this beautiful amazing woman, two years ago, and I screwed it up. I let Mellie rope me into therapy and I lost her." He shook his head again. "I screwed up but she... she is the love of my life."

Cyrus stood up at that admission and poured himself a glass of Scotch before sitting back in his seat. It was now Fitz's turn to cock his head to the side.

"You hate Scotch."

"Not tonight."

Fitz smiled a real, although momentary, smile. It felt good to have someone acknowledge his feelings. He often felt crazy for feeling the way he did about Olivia Pope. He often tried to convince himself it was all in his head. That his feelings couldn't possibly be so deep. It was such a short amount of time between when he met her and when he lost her. How was it even possible to love someone so much in such a short time. So he tried, time and time again, to convince himself it was all in his head but the pain in his heart indicated it was real. That everything had been so very real.

"She can have the house and both cars. I keep the condo. She never liked it anyways."

"That's still more than she deserves."

"I just want this over with, Cy."

"I'll see what I can do. Hang in there, kid."

* * *

"Mrs. Grant's requests are entirely unreasonable, Ms. Langston. Mr and Mrs. Grant have been married under 6 years and she signed a prenuptial agreement."

"A prenuptial agreement that assured her comfort in the event of a divorce."

Sally Langston was considered by many to be a formidable opponent but not by Cyrus Beene. No, to Cyrus she was nothing more than a speed bump. Despite years of getting wives of politicians and CEOs big settlements in divorce proceedings she didn't even make him flinch. Fitz was impressed if not enthralled by the scenario playing out before him. Sally and Cyrus were battling it out, volleying back and forth expertly. Mellie's icy blue stare was firmly fixed on him, staring daggers through him. He was sure she was plotting his demise inside that perfectly coiffed head of hers. It was like he was watching a television show except this, this was his life.

"Mr. Beene," Langston drawled. "The point is Mrs. Grant doesn't want this divorce. She is the wronged party here and as such is due her demands."

"And we are being more than generous. She will be left with most all of their joint property as well as quite a bit of cash. I don't see what else she could possibly want or need. Spousal support?" He looked at both women to gauge their reactions and saw a smirk cross both their faces. "Ha! Ridiculous," Cyrus continued. "Mrs. Grant makes just as much yearly as Mr. Grant and seeing as his parents are alive and kicking, there is no inheritance to speak of. You are grasping at straws here."

"Well, Mr. Beene," Sally replied, a self satisfied smirk on her face. "We will leave that up to the courts to decide."

Fitz watched the two women exit the room and then turned to Cyrus.

"She is a piece of work."

"She's a hack," Cyrus replied forcefully.

He ran his hand through his hair and over his face, letting out a long sigh.

"So I guess we are going to court?"

"We're going to court."

* * *

_****__**3 Years Earlier**_: Boston, Massachusetts

Olivia rolled over in bed and sat up slowly. She swung her legs over the edge and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. The sun was peaking through the blinds casting stripes of sunlight around the room. She turned her head to look at the man laying beside her. Jake was a nice guy, if not a bit boring, but there was just one huge gaping problem. He wasn't Fitz.

_The best way to get over a man is to get under another._ That was the advice Abby gave her almost a year ago when Olivia met Jake. _You deserve a little happy_, she had insisted. _At the very least a good distraction._

And Olivia took that advice to heart. A distraction, that's what she needed. She had school to distract her most of the time, having just completed her second year of law school, and the rest of the time she relied on her friends to keep her company. The problems only came when she was alone. Like now, in the early morning light, and late at night. That was when her loneliness caught up with her. That was when she missed him the most.

Standing up she searched the room for her clothes and quickly got dressed all the while trying to repress the memories flooding in.

"Leaving?" The masculine voice jolted her out of her thoughts. It was the wrong voice though. Not quite deep enough and missing the warmth. She turned and was met by charming eyes but they were green, not stormy blue.

"Yeah," she said faking a smile. "I have class and a paper to write."

"Liv..."

"Jake, no."

He sighed and looked at her. "I find it amazing that you don't understand how perfect you are and how any guy that could possibly leave you is an idiot."

She cast her gaze down at the ground, suddenly enthralled with the patterns the sun was making on the floor. If she was to be honest, he was right. She didn't know. All she knew was that everyone left her. And that told her all she needed to know. She looked back up at him and realized he was still talking but she was no longer listening.

"Are you ever going to be ready for more?"

She heard that. She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "Jake we said this would just be for fun. If you wanted more..."

"Of course I want more!"

"Then why..."

"Why did I agree to this ridiculous arrangement? Because I thought you needed time. But you're intent on keeping me out. You hide behind this mask and you won't let anyone in."

"So what are you saying?"

He sighed again and shook his head. "I am saying that I can't pretend not to want you anymore. I want you. All of you."

Olivia stared at him blankly. Her mind was working overtime trying to catch up, trying to comprehend. Someone wanted her. She was wanted. But she, she wanted Fitz.

"Jake," she said softly. "I'm sorry but I just... he is still in my head all the time. It's not right. It wouldn't be a relationship. I wouldn't be here with you. I'm sorry."

He looked down at his hands and she felt guilt rush through her. She walked over to him and kissed him softly.

"You'll find someone someday who isn't so damaged."

* * *

Olivia walked home slowly, lost in her own thoughts. She could never quite wrap her head around how fast she had fallen for Fitz. It all happened so quickly and 2 years later she felt the same. She always felt the same. _It takes time._ That is what everyone told her. _It takes time._ But this much time? This many sleepless nights? This huge gaping hole in her heart? In her soul?

She was lost. A fish in a sea of unfinished business and unrequited love. A lonely damaged girl. She was alone. She shivered despite the warm air surrounding her. Springtime in Boston. _Fitz would have loved it here this time of year._ Some days were hot, others cold but the people were free. They were joyful. Because winter had passed, spring had sprung and summer was on its way. Yes, Fitz would love it there. _Damn it, Olivia. Stop that!_

Olivia turned the corner and walked into her classroom. The lecture hadn't started yet but everyone was chattering excitedly.

"Ladies, Gentlemen," the professor said after clearing his throat. "Have a seat. We have a guest lecturer today. He is on a tight schedule so let's get right to it."

Olivia settled in and opened her laptop. At least she had a distraction for a little while.

* * *

_****__**3 Years Earlier**_: Santa Barbara, California

"I have a plan!"

Fitz looked up from the pile of paperwork before him and smiled at the man that had just busted into his office. Cyrus looked like he ran all the way there.

"Cy," he said. "I thought you were out of town."

"I was, I was," he said waving his hand dismissively. "But listen, I was on the plane enjoying those little bottles of gin they sell. I love those. Perfect size for a strong gin & tonic. Anyway I came up with a plan. A brilliant plan."

Fitz laughed. "Cy, take a breath and a seat."

The older man sat down as he took a deep breath. A cheshire grin spread across his face as he leaned forward conspiratorially.

"I think I figured out their devious little plan. Fortunately for you, I am twice as devious. A legal monster, so to speak."

Fitz leaned back in his seat and nodded his head. "Tell me more."

* * *

_****__**3 Years Earlier**_: Boston, Massachusetts

Olivia walked back into her room and sat down at her desk. The lecture had been long but the speaker was an interesting man who she had quite enjoyed listening to. As always, she was vocal during the lecture, freely giving her opinion and even challenging the man a few times. After the class he informed her that she had an _impressive legalmind_ and handed her his card, telling her to call him when she graduated next year. _I might be able to find a place for you in my firm._

She popped open her laptop and began browsing through her emails. She briefly considered emailing Fitz and telling him about the lecturer and what he had said. Fitz always told her she was brilliant. _Brilliant and beautiful,_ he told her, _a lethal combination_.

She hovered her finger above the new email button momentarily and then shook her head. _No,_ she thought. _If he wanted me..._ She let out a sigh and opened up her notes from the lecture and started editing them.

* * *

_****__**3 Years Earlier**_: Santa Barbara, California

Fitz sat on the floor or his condo, leaning against the back of the couch and staring out the large picture window. The rain was beating down on the sand and he could see the waves angrily crashing against the shore. He sighed loudly and rested his head back against the cool leather.

Cyrus's plan for the divorce was brilliant of course. He was convinced that Mellie and Sally's plan was to drag out the divorce. To make the whole thing so very unbearable that he just gave in. So they were going to beat them at their own game. It would still take awhile but in the end he would be free.

His mind naturally wandered to Olivia. He thought about her a lot, just wondering what she was doing or if she missed him. He wanted to know how law school was treating her, if she had made any connections. But Olivia never reached out and she ignored any attempts at connection from him.

He sighed. He would get her back someday. He had to. He just hoped that Olivia Pope still wanted him when he was finally free.

* * *

_A/N: Uhmm... hi. I know and I'm sorry. It's been forever. I was busy and had writers block, so yeah. But I'm back. kinda. I'm going away for 2 weeks tonight and had this all written so I wanted to give you something. Hopefully beautiful inspiration will strike while I'm on a bus riding around Europe and I will come back with more chapters for you. More realistically, I will sleep on the bus but I promise at some point I will finish this story. Just stick with me._

_Don't you worry, I'll get Fitz and Olivia back together, but you're going to have to deal with a few more chapters of them apart. Its neccessary though. Growth and stuff._


	8. Chapter 8

_**2 Years Ago: Washington, DC**_

"Quinn," Olivia said to the perky real estate agent beside her, "this place is perfect. How did you even find this?"

Quinn smirked a little and shrugged her shoulders. "Beginners luck," she replied. "So you like it? You love it? You have to have it?"

"Yes. This apartment is amazing."

"Well," she said clapping her hands excitedly. "You stay here and I will go get all the necessary forms to make this beauty yours."

As Quinn made her exit from the apartment, Olivia walked over to the window to stare out at the view of Washington DC. Her life was changing drastically today and signing this lease would be her first big step.

Just before graduating from Harvard Law, top of her class of course, she had made the promised phone call to the lecturer from the year before. In true Olivia Pope fashion she kept her options open, applying to many different law firms. Not surprisingly, pretty much everyone wanted Olivia Pope. But the chance to start over, in the political capital of the country with one of the most brilliant legal minds around, was just too good of an opportunity to let slide.

Starting over was exactly what she needed. A new life, a new slate. She stepped out onto the tiny balcony and took in the view. If she held onto the railing and leaned forward just a little, she could see the White House in the distance. A smile spread across her face at the realization that this could be hers. She turned to walk inside as her cellphone buzzed. Looking down at her new phone she saw Abby had replied to the text she had sent just before exiting her car. _Look at you with your D.C. number. Find a place?_ Olivia laughed and typed up a quick reply as Quinn re-emerged.

"Quinn Perkins, real estate agent extraordinaire," she said with a self satisfied smirk. "I talked to the landlord, a Mr. Davis, and he wants to meet you. You just need to sign some paperwork and this is all yours."

Olivia took a look at her watch and smiled brightly. "My meeting isn't for an hour. Let's go."

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

"Cyrus Beene, you are a genius!"

"Well thank you," Cyrus replied into his cellphone with a laugh.

"Where are you, old man," Fitz said jovially, "I want to buy you a drink. Hell, I wantl buy you a car!"

"As much as I would love a new car, I am out of town. I will be back tonight though."

"Meet me at Chrissy's near the diner when you get back. We have to celebrate. "

Cyrus laughed and looked down at his watch. "You have a deal. But listen, I am on my way to a lunch meeting and then I am catching a plane. I will see you tonight."

"See you tonight," Fitz replied. "And Cyrus, thank you."

"You're welcome. For the record, I always wanted a cherry red sports car."

Fitz laughed and placed the office phone back on it's cradle, picking up the paperwork on his desk. Divorce papers. He had signed divorce papers. He was free.

His mind wandered to Olivia and he wondered briefly how she was. He knew that Harvard Law had graduated a few days earlier and he couldn't help but smile thinking of Olivia beaming in a cap and gown. She had probably graduated near the top of her class if not at the top. She probably already had a job lined up or had started working. Olivia Pope was never one to waste time.

He looked down at the papers in his hand and sighed. This had been a long time coming. Months of drama and plotting were behind him and he was free. It had been a miserable year of bickering with Mellie but she had finally seen his resolve and given in. He smiled to himself. He was free.

A knock sounded at the door and he looked up to see his secretary standing nervously in the open doorway. She was a young girl; pretty and sweet and incredibly competent but a little skittish.

"Can I help you, Amanda," he asked kindly.

"Uhm, yes well, uhmm." He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. She took a deep steadying breath and tried to compose herself. "Your father is here, sir. He wants to speak to you. "

Fitz shook his head and smiled kindly at her. His father had probably terrified the poor thing.

"Send him in, Amanda, and then go take a break. You work too hard."

"Yes, sir," she said, throwing him a genuine smile before scampering away quickly.

Fitz quickly cleaned up his desk and ran his hand over the wrinkles in his shirt. He was moving his divorce papers aside when his father strolled in.

"Fitzgerald," he said as he sat in one of the chairs. "We need to talk."

"What is it, Big Gerry," he replied cooly. "I am busy."

"It is time you took on a more visible role around here, son. You are the heir to my throne and you are wasting your time with busy work. You aren't just a lawyer, you're a Grant and you need to start acting like one."

Fitz barely suppressed the urge to sigh and roll his eyes like a petulant teenager. Instead he took a deep calming breath and made eye contact with his father.

"I am happy where I am, Gerry. I have no interest in running this firm and I don't know how I could possibly make that any more clear."

"You are being selfish, Fitzgerald. First you insist on going through with that ridiculous divorce. Stupidest decision you ever made. And now you won't step up as a man and my only son!"

"I wasn't created to do your bidding, _dad. _I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. Mellie and I were not happy. I do not love her. End of story. As for this place, I have zero desire to run this corporation. I am a lawyer not a CEO."

"Happy? Love?" Gerry scoffed. "You're a fool. Marriage is a business agreement and you blew a fantastic deal."

"Get out, dad. I have calls to make."

"Fine. But we aren't done discussing this."

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Washington, DC**_

Olivia nervously adjusted her blouse as she sat at the small table at the fancy DC bistro the lecturer had selected. She glanced down at her watch and let the seconds tick by, trying to calm her nerves. Her phone buzzed offering a welcome distraction from her nerves. She was 10 minutes early as usual. Normally it provided her a sense of calm but today the waiting was making her anxious. She clicked on the text from Abby and smiled.

_Need new email & home addresses please._

Olivia shook her head and opened up her email application, typing a quick email before switching back to text Abby.

_Just e-mailed you my new address. What do you need that for anyway?_

She looked around to see if the lecturer had arrived but saw no one. Abby was almost as fast a texter as she was so the reply came quickly.

_The always efficient Olivia Pope. I may have gone home with a couple of your blouses. Accidently, of course._

Olivia had to stifle a laugh as she surveyed the room once again. This time she saw the lecturer entering so she typed a quick reply.

_Accidently, right. I have to go. He's here._

She quickly put her phone away and stood just as he was being escorted to the table.

"Ms. Pope, " the older man said as her extended his hand. "It's nice to see you again. Please, let's sit."

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz sat back in his chair and stretched his arms over his head. He spent all morning working on a particularly complicated case and his eyes and head were starting to hurt. Big Gerry had gotten the company into some hot water with his sketchy business practices and as the senior lawyer on staff, it was up to Fitz to fix it.

He rolled his head to the side trying desperately to relieve the knot in his neck. His eyes landed on the divorce papers and he picked them up again. Flipping through the pages he thought back over all the mistakes he made on the road to this moment. If he had been stronger sooner what would his life be like now? Would he be with Olivia? Would they be married, he wondered. The thought of that lost life caused him to stand and look out the window of his high rise office.

This was a new beginning for him and he had to stop reliving the past. There was nothing he could do to change what happened and how he had screwed up but he could be a new man going forward. He could be worthy of Olivia. And maybe if he tried hard enough he could get her back.

"Amanda," he called to his assistant. She came running into the room within seconds. She really was a skittish thing.

"Yes, Mr. Grant," she replied nervously.

"I am going to go to take a long lunch. Would you like to come?"

"S-seriously," she stuttered.

He smiled that charming Grant smile and nodded. "Seriously. We have been crazy busy for weeks and I could use the company. Come on. I will pay and you can tell me all about your new dog."

"My new d-dog?"

"I saw the picture on your desk. Handsome guy. What do you say?"

She looked at him and nodded nervously. "Sure."

"Wonderful. Let's go. I'm starving. So what's the dogs name?"

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Washington, DC**_

"Ms. Pope," the older man said, "I was so glad to get a call from you. You really impressed me in that class and your professor had nothing but good things to say. I think you'll fit in wonderfully at the firm. I'm just sorry I wasn't around for more of your interview process."

Olivia smiled kindly at the man and took a sip of her water. "It's not a problem at all, sir. I understand you are a busy man."

He laughed heartily and motioned for the waiter to bring them the check. "That I am. And on that note I must unfortunately bring this meeting to a close. I have some business on the west coast that I need to attend to so I am flying back tonight."

"I understand," she said with a nod. The waiter appeared at the table and the man quickly handed him a credit card.

"I am glad we took this opportunity to get to know each other. I won't be at the office very often but I see a lot of promise in you, Olivia. You remind me a lot of myself when I was younger," he said with a slight laugh.

"I will take that as a compliment." He looked at her at that and let a rare smile grace his lips.

The waiter returned to the table with the receipt and Olivia watched as he carefully considered it and then signed with a flourish. He put down his napkin and stood from his seat, taking a look at his watch.

"I hate to be rude but I really should get going. I have a plane to catch and I always get pulled aside by security. Walk out with me."

"Of course," she said as she stood and they began to walk out. "I just wanted to say thank you for this opportunity. I am sure many people applied for this position and I want you to know that I look forward to working for your company."

"I have no doubt it you will do well. It was nice seeing you again, Olivia. Have a good day and enjoy DC."

"It was nice to see you again too. Enjoy your flight, Mr. Beene."

Cyrus waved his hand in dismissal. "Please call me Cyrus. Mr Beene my father."

She smiled warmly at him and grabbed her keys out of her purse. "Of course. Enjoy your flight, Cyrus."

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz glanced down at his watch as he walked into the bar and realized he probably had a few minutes until Cyrus arrived. He looked around the bar and found a seat in a quiet corner of the bar and signaled for the bartender, ordering a scotch. The brown liquid appeared in front of him and Fitz took a celebratory sip. He turned around to see Cyrus entering the now crowded bar and waved his arms over his head to gain his attention.

Cyrus surveyed the room slowly before his gaze landed on Fitz waving his hands like an idiot over his head. He made his way over to his old friend, clapping him on the shoulder before sitting in the seat beside Fitz.

"Give this man whatever he want," Fitz said to the bartender once he appeared. "Anything. On me."

"I'll have a gin & tonic. Heavy on the gin." Cyrus turned his attention to Fitz and leaned against the bar. "So. How does it feel?"

"It feels like freedom. I can't even describe it, Cy. I saw the paperwork a couple times during the day and every time I looked at it this feeling of just freedom came over me. Mellie was never a horrible person. She's a beautiful smart woman but I never loved her and that weighed on me greatly, especially lately. Now that weight has been lifted."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I think I need to find myself. I know that sounds cheesy but I've been with Mellie since college and been doing the bidding of Big Gerry since the day I was born. I need to figure out what I want. Who I want."

"Well, kid, you deserve it. I have known you a long time and I consider you a friend. I know your dad and I'm sure he isn't happy about the divorce. For him your marriage was always a business transaction. I am proud of you for doing what was right for you."

Fitz smiled and lifted his glass in cheers. "I couldn't have done it without you, Cy. You're an evil genius," he said as the two men clinked glasses. "I forgot to ask you, how did the meeting with your new hire go? They must be excited to work with the great Cyrus Beene."

Cyrus looked down as his phone began to vibrate. A quick secretive smile spread across his face before he snapped his attention back towards Fitz. "What? Oh. It went great. Kid is a real spitfire. Going to fit in great. Listen, Fitz. I hate to cut this short but I have to go."

"Sure, Cy. Not a problem."

Cyrus stood up, downing his gin and tonic and putting his hand on Fitz's shoulder. "You deserve to be happy. Have a good night."

"Goodnight, Cy."

Fitz looked down at his empty glass and decided to head home. He could celebrate his freedom at home.

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Washington, DC**_

Olivia sat down on the bed in her hotel room and pulled her heels off her sore feet. She gently rubbed her arches for a few minutes before getting up to look for something she could respectably use as a wine glass. After the meeting with Cyrus and running a few just-moved errands she bought herself a bottle of decent wine as a present. A new job, new apartment, new life bottle of wine.

She located a glass in the bathroom and brought it over to the bed, pouring herself a generous portion of wine. It had been a long but productive day and she was exhausted. She leaned back against the headboard and rolled her head side to side trying to relieve the kink in her neck. _What a day_, she thought. She spent the entire day trying to get her new life in order for the first day of work in a week. She had gotten a new phone, signed the lease on the new apartment, and generally just prepared to for her new life.

Her thoughts briefly moved to Fitz and she wondered how he was doing. She wondered if he was still with his wife or if he had finally gone through with the divorce. Did he miss her? No, if he missed her he would have contacted her over the past 3 years. Maybe he thought she was over him though and he was afraid to come back. Olivia sighed and took a long sip of the wine. It didn't matter anymore. She was starting a new life and that meant somehow someway she had to push Fitz to the back of her mind.

_But why are you still thinking of him 3 years later?_ Some questions, even Olivia Pope couldn't answer.

* * *

_**2 Years Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz sat on his couch with his tablet on his lap and hovered his finger over the email application. Cyrus' words from earlier were ringing in his head. _You deserve to be happy._ What made Fitzgerald Grant happy? Many things brought him happiness; a good scotch, a delicious steak, solving a particularly difficult case. _You deserve to be happy._ He clicked on the email application and typed up an email to Olivia. It was time she knew how he felt and that he was sorry. She needed to know that he was finally free and that he would do anything to get her back.

He typed and deleted and retyped the email multiple times before finally settling on the perfect combination of words. He wanted to say he was sorry and that he needed her without sounding too desperate. He tried to come across as confident despite the nerves coursing through his body. He wanted to illicit a conversation between them. When finally he was satisfied with the content he inhaled deeply and clicked send.

Within moments his tablet was dinging with an incoming email. _There's no way she replied that fast_, he thought as he clicked on the same email app. His breath caught in his throat when he saw what the email was. It was a return delivery; the email address didn't exist anymore. Fitz quickly picked up his phone, fumbling it in his desperation and dropping it on the couch. He picked it up and scrolled to the name he was never capable of deleting. If she wasn't going to get his email then he would have to call her. He took a deep breath and hit the send button, praying she would answer his call.

But instead of the sweet voice of his love coming through the phone he got the prerecorded voice of the phone company telling him that the line had been disconnected. Fitz ended the call and stared at the phone, shock marring his features. She had changed her email and phone number and in the process effectively cut him off. He waited too long and now she was gone.

Suddenly, the freedom of being divorced didn't feel so freeing.

* * *

_A/N: Hiii. Me again. This is kind of a long chapter for you. I am back from vacation and over my post-Europe cold and this chapter just came to me. I hope you enjoy it. Olivia is trying to start her life over and Fitz has got his divorce but no way to contact her. I promise there is a little bit of time apart left and then I'll bring them together. __Let me know what you thought. I love reviews. :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_**1 Year Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

Fitz paced the floor of his office in never ending circles. He was about to make one of the most important decisions of his life and he couldn't calm his nerves. Was he making the right choice? Was he a fool? Round and round he went on restless legs, unable to stand still for more than a moment. Unable to stop the wheels in his head.

"You're going to wear a hole in the carpet," came the soft voice of Amanda. He looked up at her and smiled awkwardly as he plopped into a nearby chair.

They had become friends since their lunch a year ago. Fitz knew she had a bit of a crush on him and she was a pretty girl but he had no interest in her. He had no interest in anyone really. She was a good assistant and an occasional friend but nothing more. He enjoyed their friendship as it was and just hoped he wasn't leading her on.

"Your father's secretary just called," she began and he groaned at the mention. Her name was Stacy and she was all boobs, blonde hair, fake nails and zero brains. She was a walking stereotype and he knew she was screwing his dad. Amanda, knowing of his disapproval, snickered a bit before continuing. "He's ready to see you. "

Fitz started to walk past her out into the hallway that inevitability lead to Big Gerry's office when he felt her hand on his arm. He looked up at her again and she smiled warmly.

"Good luck."

Fitz nodded and swallowed as he headed out. _Shit, she has it bad._

* * *

_**1 Year Ago: Washington, DC**_

Olivia grabbed her purse off the hook and practically flew out the door of her apartment. She was going to be late if she didn't move _now_ and Olivia Pope was never late. She hated being late. She was so distracted checking the time on her watch that she didn't notice the person in the hall until she had collided with him.

"Ugh." Olivia looked up and mentally slapped herself for being so distracted. "Mr. Davis," she said apologetically. "I am so sorry. I wasn't looking and..."

"Nonsense," he replied. "You have nothing to apologize for. I wasn't looking either. And please Olivia, call me Marvin. Mr. Davis makes me sound so old."

Olivia smiled up at him and nodded her head. "Okay. I don't mean to be rude, Marvin, but I have to get going. I am going to be late for work."

"I'll walk you to your car," he replied with a chuckle. "How are you liking DC, Olivia?"

"I love it here," she said with a friendly smile. "I love how fast paced everything is. "

"Ah, youth," he replied. "My youngest son, Edison, feels the same way. He just moved in across the hall."

"Oh really," Olivia said as they finally reached her car. "I will have to introduce myself to him."

Mr. Davis smiled and nodded his head. "I am sure he would like that. You have a good day young lady."

* * *

_**1 Year Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

"What did you say?" Big Gerry was a tall man and his voice was loud, booming in fact, particularly when he was angry. And right now he was angry. No, he was furious.

"I said I quit, Dad."

Gerry stood up and smacked his hand down on the table. There was barely contained rage in his eyes and Fitz thought briefly about how Mellie often fixed him with a similar glare. _Two peas in a pod,_ he thought. _Don't know how I missed that similarity._

"Over my dead body," Gerry boomed. "Over my god damn dead body, Fitzgerald!"

Fitz stood from his seat and brought himself to full height. He wasn't a child anymore and could see eye to eye with his father. When he was younger Fitz would cower at his father standing tall. But that was when he was a boy. A little boy who both idolized and feared his father. He was a man now and needed to act like one.

"You don't have much of a choice, Gerry," Fitz said calmly. "I am adult and it's about time I start making my own decisions. I am not a puppet you can make into the image of what you wish you could be. I am my own man and I have had enough."

"I will disown you and make sure you never work again, Fitzgerald."

"You've always been more bark than bite. Consider this my two weeks." Fitz shook his head and left the office.

* * *

Fitz stormed into his office and slammed the door with all his might. His father was an epically frustrating man. Despite calling his bluff, he was aware his dad was also an exceptionally capable man. He could ruin his life with just a couple phone calls. Fitz sat down and rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair.

He picked up the phone as he tried to steady his ragged breathing. His father had the ability to enrage him so much he could swear steam left his ears.

"Hello?"

"Cyrus," he said with a sigh of relief at the older man's voice.

"Hey, Fitz. How goes the single life, " Cyrus laughed.

"Cy, I quit."

"You did what?!"

"I quit my job at Grant & Associates. "

"How did Big Gerry take that?"

Fitz laughed ruefully and shook his head almost as if it would change things. "Listen, I need your help."

"Anything for you, kid. What's up?"

"I know that you work for my dad technically and own your own firm but I want your help setting up my own law firm. I know it's a lot to ask and..."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

Fitz sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. "Cy, I think this is what I need."

"Then I am on your side."

"Thanks, Cy. That means a lot."

"I will call you later and we can work out details. I have a meeting in 5."

"Sure. Bye. Thanks again."

Fitz put down the phone and blew out a breath of air. He was taking his life back. First a divorce from Mellie and then leaving his dad's company. Surely he was becoming the man Olivia had always known him to be. Now if only he could find her.

He opened his laptop up and searched her name one more time. As usual, the search came up empty on information about her. He shook his head. Why was he looking for someone who didn't want to be found? He just couldn't shake the voice in his head telling him not to give up. _Maybe you should see someone about voices in your head,_ he thought. _And talking to yourself._

* * *

_**1 Year Ago: Washington, DC**_

Olivia knocked on Cyrus' open door before walking in and shutting it behind her. She placed a cup of coffee on his desk and sat down in a chair.

"You wanted to see me?"

Cyrus gratefully took a sip of the coffee and nodded his head in approval. Large cup, heavy cream, two sugars and a shot of Bailey's. Perfection. "Yes. Liv, have you ever heard of a fixer?"

"A fixer," she said as she raised her eyebrow. "No I don't think so."

"A fixer is someone who specializes in Crisis Management. They take an issue and use all resources at their disposal to spin it for the best outcome there can be."

Olivia nodded her head and took a sip of her coffee before replying. "So kind of like PR?"

"Yes but much more complicated. I would like to take this firm into Crisis Management and I think you would be excellent at it."

"It definitely sounds like something I would enjoy," she replied with a slight smirk.

"Thought so. I am assembling a team to work on this case." He slid an envelope towards her and she put her cup down to open it, quickly glancing at the information.

"Senator Bryant," she murmured. "45 years old. His 22 year old secretary is claiming he promised her a promotion in exchange for sex. How original."

Cyrus chuckled and took another sip of coffee. "Think you can handle it?"

"Consider it handled."

"Excellent," Cyrus said gleefully. "Let's go meet the team."

* * *

Olivia arrived back at her apartment later that night. She was so distracted texting on her phone as she exited the elevator that she didn't notice the man walking towards her also looking at his cell phone until they had collided.

_Seriously,_ she thought, _twice in a day. I need to pay attention more._

"I am really sorry," she said as she looked up at a tall man around her age. He was smiling widely at her and she instantly recognized who he was.

"Not a problem," he said with a smile. "I don't think either of us was paying attention. I'm Edison."

He stuck his hand out for a handshake and she put her hand in his, watching as his much larger hand enveloped her smaller one. She looked up and smiled at him.

"I'm Olivia."

"Ah. So you're Olivia. My dad mentioned you," Edison replied. "I was just headed out to get some pizza. I just moved in today and there's no food in my fridge yet. Would you like to join me?"

Olivia held up the take out bag that she had in her hand and smiled apologetically. Edison nodded in understanding. "Well then," he started.

"I bought enough for two…if you wanted to join," she interrupted quickly. Olivia wasn't sure what came over her but she suddenly felt the need for a companion. Edison seemed nice, simple, easy and she felt she deserved that. Things had been so complicated for so long.

"I'd love to."

* * *

Olivia threw her head back in laughter as she listened to Abby chatter about her new boyfriend. She had spent the majority of the evening with Edison eating chinese food and finishing a bottle of wine. It was nice. It was easy and simple. He was easy and simple. There was no spark or fire between them but he was nice. The conversation flowed easily between them and he made her laugh. It was all so… easy and simple. But it left her with the feeling that easy and simple might never be enough.

"So please tell me you had more than popcorn for dinner," Abby said with a laugh.

"For your information I had Chinese food and wine."

"Drinking alone now?"

"I wasn't alone."

"What," Abby shrieked in her ear. "Were you with a man? Did you get some!?"

Olivia laughed and shook her head, pulling the phone away from her ear in an attempt to save her eardrums.

"You are insane," she said with a laugh. "Yes with a man. No I did not get some."

"Oh my God! Tell me everything. "

"Abby! You act like I have never been around a man before."

"You are basically a nun, Liv. Come on! Details please!"

"He lives in the building. He is nice. Driven. You can tell he is a workaholic like me. He seems... normal. Easy," Olivia said. She looked down and let out a soft sigh.

"So then what's the problem?"

"I didn't say there was one."

"I can hear it in your voice, Liv."

"He's not... what if I don't... I mean..." Olivia shook her head slightly trying to collect her thoughts. "It has been four years and I still dream about him. I miss him all the time."

"But he is gone."

"I know, but, I...I," she stuttered. "I can't help wondering if I should have fought harder."

"Is it too late now?"

"I don't know. I... I am terrified to find out. I don't know if I can handle knowing."

"Then maybe it is best to move on. Give this Edison guy a chance. Maybe easy is good."

* * *

_**1 Year Ago: Santa Barbara, California**_

The bar was dark and crowded with people trying to let loose after work. He stood at the bar and waited while the bartender poured him his fourth scotch of the night. Or was it his fifth? He couldn't remember and he didn't care. The scotch was making the joy he felt pulse through his veins and he welcomed the respite from his usual mood.

"Hey you," she said as she sidled up to the bar. She smiled up at him and he returned the smile in kind.

"Amanda," he said pulling her into a hug. "They told me you planned this whole thing. Thank you!

She smiled up at him sweetly and nodded her head. "Not a problem. It's your last day. We had to celebrate! Besides, you deserve to let go."

He leaned back against the bar and grinned. "I do. I have been so stressed between the divorce and my dad constantly on my case. Not to mention how busy we always were. And..."

She was suddenly really close. He was about to ask what was wrong when she pressed her body against his.

"Wh-what are you doing," he stammered.

She ran her hand down his chest, resting it on his belt and smiled. "You deserve a little stress reliever. Let me help you. "

She started to move her hand lower and he stumbled back a bit trying to get some distance. What was she offering? Did he want it? How long had it even been...

"Oh, Mr. Grant, " she said as she reached out to steady him. "You're a little drunk. Let's get you a cab?"

He nodded his head as his mind whirled around the evening. He was a single man. He could have whoever he wanted. There was no wife to be faithful to. There was no Olivia. Olivia. _Fuck. _He wanted Olivia. He looked down at Amanda as she helped him into the cab and sighed. She was no Olivia. She wasn't even close. He suddenly felt like he might be sick. It was then he noticed Amanda sliding in beside him.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking you to bed," she said with what he assumed was supposed to be a seductive gaze.

"Amanda, no," he said.

"What?"

"Go back to the party. Thank you for a great evening but I just... you're my friend."

She exited the cab in a huff, slamming the door behind her and mumbling. He shook his head and gave the driver his address. _Wow. I sure know how to pick them,_ he thought.

* * *

_**1 Year Ago: Washington, DC**_

She couldn't stop staring at him. It wasn't that he was particularly gorgeous or that she was just so enamored with him she couldn't tear her gaze away. It wasn't that the movie they were watching was boring or that he was chewing his popcorn or sipping his wine too loud. She had taken Abby's advice and given easy and normal a chance. Easy and normal was sitting here beside her and she couldn't stop looking at it.

"What," he laughed when he caught her gaze.

Olivia shook her head and forced a smile on her lips. "Nothing, nothing," she murmured. "I think I am just tired or something. It's been a long week."

"Well," he said as he put his hand on her leg, "maybe we should go to bed."

"Edison…"

He put his glass down on the coffee table and scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"We've been dating for a month, Liv."

"Thank you for dinner. You should go," she said coldly, turning her gaze to the movie playing on the screen.

Olivia sunk down into the couch and buried her face in her hands when she heard the door slam shut. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just let easy and normal in? Edison wasn't model gorgeous but he was handsome and he was good to her. _So what's the problem, Olivia,_ she chided herself. She shook her head and polished off the remainder of the wine in her glass. The problem was that he wasn't Fitz. That was always the problem. It was a problem that had haunted her for four years and she had a feeling it would haunt her for many more.

She stood from the couch and headed off to bed for another night spent alone. _Another night._

* * *

**A/N: Well, quite a bit happened in this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it. I really wanted to show the growth in these chapters of their time apart and how they became who they are and I hope you have seen that. Neither of them is really right without the other and that says a lot. Next chapter, present day makes a comeback and you'll find out how Fitz found Olivia. How do you think it happens? I look forward to your reviews. They seriously make me smile.**


End file.
